The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
