so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
