Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize