Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
