I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
