Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They are going to name an STD after you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
