He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
