She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
