...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
