Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
