So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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