What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
