well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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