new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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