You're so nebulous sometimes
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
