Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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