you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
