I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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