I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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