She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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