Even the bartender felt bad for me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
