you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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