life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
