wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
