i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
