btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
