Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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