onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
