the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm too high and old for this...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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