i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
