When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
