I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
