I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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