he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
