your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
