If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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