her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
