I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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