She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
