ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
