Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
