Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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