i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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