getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
