I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
should my penis look like a turkey
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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