Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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