even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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