Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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