I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
