Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
