$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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