He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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