I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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