My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
