just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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