there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
