a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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