this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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