I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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