When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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