oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
