that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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