so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
