Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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