My hand turned me down
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
