when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
