Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
