This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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