I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
