paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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